If the Presidential Candidates Were Cars…

We thought we’d have a little fun and throw together a post that turned all of our completely (un)AMAZING candidates—both Democrat and Republican into cars.

If the Presidential Candidates Were Cars…

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you are probably marginally aware that there is some sort of big, important, election thing, going on. Trust me, I’m sure you’ve seen the Facebook posts… In fact, the first (fun?) of the political season begins Feb 1 when the SUPER exciting Iowa Caucus takes place. (Seriously, people still caucus?)

So , we here at Instamotor thought we’d have a little fun and throw together a post that turned all of our completely (un)AMAZING candidates—both Democrat and Republican into cars.

Full disclosure: It’s meant as FUN, people, so don’t get your political panties in a bunch. Try laughing instead.

Donald Trump: The Youabian Puma

Bloated, gassy, greasy and built by a man with a doctorate in the deceptive art of (surgically enhanced) appearance. Meet the lovely (er….) Youabian Puma.

Built and created by a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, the Youabian Puma made its cartoonish entrance to the automotive world at the LA Auto Show in 2013. Most of us just couldn’t get over its balloonish proportions, particularly how it “galumphs through the valley of ugly to fascinating.” Dr. Youabian was not amused with the largely negative coverage and slapped a whole bunch of websites (Autoblog, Jalopnik) with cease-and-desist orders—to everyone’s amusement.

Sounds familiar? Doesn’t it?

Bernie Sanders: Converted Mercedes-Benz 240D running on used vegetable oil

Seems like a nice idea—but a long shot and not super practical. Though Funny or Die swears that 80% of everyone agrees with Bernie on 90% of everything, Sanders is still a long shot.

Like fluffy haired Bernie, the 240D is not one of Mercedes-Benz’s best looking wagons and as Mikey Skylar documents over at Popular Mechanics, turning one into a grease-mobile isn’t easy. Super dedicated green folks do this to perfectly good diesel engines—but it turns out --- getting the fuel isn’t as easy as they’d thought and the practicality of the whole thing is a bit questionable.

Hillary Clinton: Scooby Doo Van

Back in April of last year, Hils took a road trip to Iowa in what she affectionately called the Scooby Doo Van.

The van was a Chevy conversion van (because she’s the Secretary of State, no ordinary van would do), done by a company called Explorer. Bloomberg had a fun interview with the folks who outfitted it—here. Oh and she’s apparently a wicked backseat driver—especially around New York.

We’ll get Shaggy to drive since she hasn’t driven since 1996.

Chris Christie: Ford Crown Victoria bought from the NYPD

He can drive around New York and New Jersey and randomly close bridges without problems and then blame it on staffers. Plus, you see these damn things everywhere in the tri-state area—usually with broken rear suspension because that’s just how you roll.

Don’t get me wrong here, those Ford Crown Vics the cops used in the NYC area were bad ass. They were quick and powerful and a bunch of cities across the country (like Austin, TX) raced to hoard up as many as possible before Ford killed them off. But guys, lets talk about that bridge.

Jeb Bush: Chrysler TC by Maserati

Because a rose by any other name is still –not even close. Meet Jeb Bush, the man who’s only claim to fame is being Governor of one of the dumbest states in the nation according to the Washington Post and being related to two former presidents whose claim to fame is rather, uh, dubious. See also, Iraq 1 and Iraq 2….

The Chrysler TC by Maserati was a morass of failure. A joint venture that reportedly grew out of a friendship (well before Fiat got involved) between Lee Iacocca and Alejandro de Tomaso, the TC by Maserati was a K car (those built on the K platform in the early 80s) with a few gussied up touches that sold a measley 7000 units in three years. Oh and the price hovered somewhere near $62,000 for these lovely works of automotive sadness.

Ted Cruz: Lincoln Blackwood

Whacky politicking including Simpsons imitations and (oops) forgotten Goldman Sachs loans, Ted Cruz is a Texan with a whole lot going on.

Thus, meet the terrible Lincoln Blackwood. Conceived back in 2000 as a luxury pick up truck (like the also terrible Escalade EXT) it was basically a rebadged Ford with a vinyl decal across the entire bed that was supposed to look like black African Wenge wood crossed with aluminum. Instead of a normal truck bed you got a trunk with a carpeted floor, stainless steel sides, and an automatic tounneau. Car & Driver had a funny take on the truck here.

Have your own thoughts about what the candidates would be if they were cars? Weigh in in the comments or feel free to hit us up on social media. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Abigail BassettAbigail Bassett

Digital media content producer/consultant & former CNN senior producer, now running CN'TRL : Cars, Tech, Real Estate & Luxury.

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